Born to Be Mild!

Bermuda is one of the few countries that will not accept a driver's license from other countries.  If you are visiting, however, you can rent a scooter.  There is no such thing as a rental car.  Can't be done.  If you have a work permit, you can get a Bermuda license and can purchase a car or a bike.  What you can't do, if you have a work permit, is rent a bike.  So, in order to get around this amazing island, you can depend on the kindness of friends, take a taxi, hop on  the 'loser cruiser', or get your license.

We took our Learner's Test yesterday--the written portion. The driving test is tomorrow.  Yikes.  I have more sympathy for the 16 year olds out there.  I can't remember the last time I took any kind of test!  Janice had sent us the Driver's Manual so that we could study it even before we arrived here. Ironically, given my chosen profession, it's been a while since I've had to do any studying.  André claims this may  be his first time ever!  Of course, I know about study techniques, test taking strategies and the like.  I have even given workshops, seminars and courses in it.  What was unanticipated was how to study a manual that was written by people who choose to use seventeen words when one will do.  Oh sure, it is entertaining reading, but if you  simply want to find out how to do something--not gonna happen!
         At night, always drive well within the limits of  your lights. When your headlights are
      dipped or extinguished be especially careful.  If you are dazzled, slow down even to a standstill...

 Dazzled?  Is this for those occasions when George Clooney suddenly appears before me?  What really dazzles me are the kids on the bikes that drive 100 kmh, WHILE TEXTING! As God is my witness, I will never complain about driving in Vancouer again.

First Day: Scooter Virgin

The rules of the road are the same as everywhere with a couple of notable exceptions.  We drive on the left side here.  You don't want to forget that one.  Remembering important things can be done in a variety of ways--acronyms, reciting, or mnemonics--a kind of memory aid, like a little poem.  I have been told the best way to remember which side of the car to get into and which side of the road to drive on is best remembered as "Bitch to the ditch."  It is important to note that it was not André who said this and in fact, I have his assurance that he will erase it from his memory!  You can pass only on a solid white, not a solid yellow or a double white and the speed limit for the whole Island is 35 kmh. Oh!  And according to section (66) sub-section (b):

   It is against the law to sound your horn except in the interest of safety, or to play your wireless set-(Don't even get me started on the grammar in THAT phrase!!!!)

It is not a piglet, it's  a hog!

So the horn thing is interesting.  Like anywhere there are the written  rules, and the practical application of the written rules.  Using your horn  in actuality is  for things like:

"Hey!  How you doin'?"

"How's your Mom?"

" Come on over later!"

"Nice socks!"

"Who was that girl I saw you with the other night?"

We purchased a 150CC scooter from a friend of my sister's and have been practising in the driveways and private roads before taking our driving test.  Who knew that turning to the right is more difficult than turning to the left?  Perhaps this is a metaphor for our politics...  At any rate, although the bus service is pretty good, riding the '56 seat coupe' is getting old.   They are fairly efficient, depending on the route, but you take your life in your hands!  There is even a T-shirt that says "I survived the big pink bus". It is not a hyperbole.  They are big, they are most definitely pink and survival is not always assured.

And so tomorrow we are off to TCD to take our road test on our scooter. How we get there is anothr dilemma. You have to take the test on your own bike, but you are not allowed to drive the bike on public roads to get it there with only a Learner's Permit.  Hmmmmm....If we were other people , we would say, "Born to be Wild! Let's just do it!  Break the rules!Ride the damn bike down there!"     But we are not other people. We are more 'Born to be Mild'. Although we are smart and we have friends already--we'll figure it all out.  It may cost us a few bottles of Gosling's Dark Rum, first though!

"Your tale, sir, would cure deafness." The Tempest, 1. 2

There is a fair amount of historical and literary evidence to show that Shakespeare's The Tempest is based on the founding of Bermuda in 1609, when the Sea Venture ran aground on its way to the Jamestown Colony.  One of the characters in Tempest is Ariel,  the sprite, or fairy, that is released from being imprisoned in a tree by a witch by the shipwrecked Prospero, who requires and exploits his loyalty to him.

We have been house sitting for friends of my sister's at Surf Song.  It is on the South Shore--where most of the best beaches are located.  Although there is no beach attached to the house, it is right on the water.  A quick climb over the rocks to either the right or left will bring us to a small, pink sand beach.  To the left is Ariel Sands.  This is a resort that at one point was owned by Michael Douglas and his family. Yes, that Michael Douglas!  His mother is Bermudian.  For all sorts of good reasons, I suppose, Ariel Sands is now deserted and abandoned.  The tourist season is not year-round and the Island cannot support a resort without clientele; Bermuda is expensive; hired workers must be Bermudian and be paid appropriately.  In a different country, a large corporation can build a resort with cheap infrastructure, and staff it with underpaid employees.  Some would call The Tempest an allegory of colonialism. If so, then Ariel may be a fitting tribute to a resort in a colony that is anything  but 'Third World'.

Palapas to the left, pool to the right

The beach has mostly been reclaimed by storms and hurricanes. The palapas are still on the beach, but the palm leaves have long since blown away.  The cottages stand empty. The pool is slowly being reclaimed by the ocean and is inhabited by a variety of marine life.  And Ariel, memorialized in bronze 50 metres from shore, appears to be fleeing the decay.  

 There are two pools, flush with the ground, bordering on the rocks and reefs in the ocean.  The sea is held back by a cement retaining wall that is only visible if you are standing on it.  The end of the pool was left in a naturalized state, surrounded by rock walls.  Because of the wave action, the pools continue to be refreshed with sea water and so are still clear.  What is most striking is the number of fish that must have been swept over the side and into the pool. The bottom is now strewn with sand, rocks, urchins, some coral and many small colourful fish!

Sergeant Majors in the pool

 Today we went exploring and decided to go for a swim and some snorkeling.  Since I still can't get my ear wet, and André is no water sprite (unlike Ariel!), we paddled around on the beach and then went into the abandoned pool. Ever since I ruptured my ear drum, André has been as concerned as I have been frustrated.  Any time I am even near the water, he is worried  a ROGUE WAVE will hit me in the ear.  I think my on-going deafness is more of a source of frustration to him than even to me.  I wonder if he will catch on that sometimes, in the way of wives, it's not that I am deaf, it's that I am no longer listening?

It was Heaven for André as he could snorkel in relative calm and safety and I was also able to see the fish without getting my head wet.   There were a surprisingly large number of small and brightly coloured fish in the pool.  I have since learned that among these were: Sergeant Majors, Bermuda Chub, Cardinal Fish.  Outside the pool on the reef, blue Parrotfish were easily visible.  These may be the prettiest fish you can see snorkeling. All was perfect until we spotted a fairly large fish -which I believe was a  Spadefish--who thought my ankle bracelet was a tasty piece of seaweed and kept nibbling at it.  Quite amusing until he tired of the game and took a chunk out of my ankle.  I'm having a hard time convincing André that ROGUE PIRANHA are not indigenous to Bermuda.  In an interesting side note, André was able, for a brief time, to duplicate Ariel's flight over the water.

A small adventure today.  Another tomorrow. And then another.  Even here in Paradise it is easy to become complacent and to slip into old habits.  But every day requires some kind of adventure whether exploration, physical, intellectual, literary or seek and destroy missions for ant colonies!

"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, rounded with a little sleep"  The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158

Week One or André versus the Ants

I will try and record my impressions and experiences during this year abroad. For the teachers (and control freaks and sisters) who read this: it is a free flowing thought process and first draft.  No commenting on grammar, style or voice allowed!  You know who you are! (I have yet to learn how to edit a blog).

And so we arrived safe and sound.  First stop:  Swizzle Inn!  Swizzle is one of Bermuda's national drinks, the other being a Dark and Stormy.  Swizzle can be made with a variety of fruit juices and dark rum, but I actually prefer the mix.  We are staying at The Brae, built in the 1700s.  All houses seem to have a name here, only recently acquiring street numbers.  It makes me think what the name of our house in White Rock would be?  Dust Bunny Inn?  Watering Hole?  But I digress.  We are house-sitting for Diana Hyde who spends most of her time in Maryland.  Her daughter, Anne, lives on an adjacent property and has been extremely  hospitable.  We live downstairs primarily and will share a kitchen with Diana when she is on the Island.  The reality is that we spend most of our time on the patio, deck, lanai, as the weather is more than conducive to being outdoors.  So far it has been very hot, very humid and very wonderful!

Elbow Beach is a 10 minute walk away.  We have been in the water at least twice everyday.  In the Summer months it is almost necessary to cool off.  Unfortunately, my plans for swimming every day and learning to dive immediately have been put on hold.  I have perforated my eardrum after a severe infection and it may take some time to heal.  So far the sight seeing has included a trip to the hospital!How banal to get Swimmer's ear and have it deteriorate like this--the last time I injured myself in Bermuda, at least it was doing something exciting like body-surfing.  I will need a better story for my poor, pathetic, deaf and painful ear.

House-sitting seems to be the way of the Island.  Apparently there is property crime here and since Bermudians are great travellers, they prefer their house to be lived in, rather than standing empty.  Even though we have a permanent house sit at the Brae, we are at the moment house-sitting for friends of Janice for the next 3 weeks.  This house, Surf Song, is the antithesis of The Brae--new, modern, with a kitchen out of  House and Home. The Brae  would be better featured in Historical Homes. The house is right on  the ocean, on South Shore, where all the beaches are located.  Just a short walk either to the right or left brings us to a small sandy beach.  At the moment there is a weak Tropical Storm--Colin-- so swimming is not a good idea.

We arrived just prior to Cup Match--a 2 day holiday for a cricket 'grudge match' between the opposite
ends of the Island, Somerset and St. George's.  The actual holidays have other, more civically responsible reasons, but really it is a reason for some to travel and some to party!  Cup Match  is really about playing Crown and Anchor.  They give you money to play with and provide you with free Swizzle as long as you play.  It's almost as if they believe the odds are favour of the House...  It rained a warm, tropical downpour while we were there.  So hard we could have showered. 

Rain is appreciated here as it is the only source of fresh water.  All the roofs are designed so that rain run-off collects in a tank.  Since prior to our arrival there had been a drought, everyone was happy about the 'tank rain', as it's called.  When the tank gets low or empty, residents can either order water from a truck or pay a monthly fee to be hooked up to a water line that is used only in times of drought.  We have a water line at The Brae, but there is also an extra tank, so there should be no problem for us.  Having said that, there are small adjustments to daily life when  water is precious.  No long showers, of course; water off while shaving; and 'If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down' is the motto.

The most striking thing we've noticed in the differences in daily life is how close to nature we live--or, perhaps, how far removed from it we are at home.  Although we are not chopping our own wood, or hunting our food, we are battling the elements to a degree.We have been told it is a losing battle.  Ants are pervasive.  tiny, ubiquitous, persistent.  If any food whatsoever is left out, the ants will find it.  They get into every home--regardless of the level of cleanliness or construction.  They will find a point of entry and march, almost single file, along a specific route to the food source, and march out along the same route. The only thing to do is clean up, wipe up all the time.  Not a bad thing, I suppose!

There are some remedies that we have tried.  Insecticides, of course, but that has its limitations--the least of which is poisoning ourselves.  There are various commercial products, but the most interesting is chalk.  We have heard that ants will not cross a chalk line.  At a dinner party, the theory was tested by drawing a line of chalk across the ant parade.  Sure enough, they began to get confused and disperse.  In a cruel move, a maze was drawn and we watched them get confused and angry!  Have I mentioned that we don't have a TV set up yet?  Bermuda entertainment!!! André has taken it upon himself to do battle.  This occurred after I left a dish of ice cream on the counter one night.  André versus the Ants--literary reference #1.

So far we have only seen one cockroach.  When insecticide was ineffective, I put a leash on it and called it 'Archie'--literary reference #2.  We've since been told we should get a Bible.  I thought perhaps this was in reference to the coming end of the world and the meek cockroaches who may inherit it.  But no.  It seems that dropping something the size and weight of the Bible from a height of abut 4 feet is the only sure way to kill them.